Oh, what a night...

And I'm not talking about late December back in '63.

The past few days have been a struggle for me. I feel kind of angst-ridden, almost like an emo-kid. Juggling many things is wearing and I would kill for a day where I had no responsibilities to family, friends, school, work or anything else and just read. Or play video games.

Today's struggles revolve primarily around my inability to get a base structure established for my ministry, whether it be because of lack of time or lack of motivation when I have time (greater of the two culprits). I don't remember where I was reading about this, but what I read was that when people are struggling with an addiction, they feel that they are justified in reverting at times b/c they have worked so hard and deserve a reward for their efforts. Well, no fears about me having an addiction, but many times when I have time to do what I need to do, I also want to do something else. Something 'muy divertido' (which means 'very fun' for those of you that don't speak French [and, yes, I know it's actually Spanish]). Sometimes I can fight it and get some work done, other times I think of other things I can be doing that are work related, but more enjoyable and other times I loaf.

Add to this the fact that I am actually in a church now that considers me and the youth ministry a part of the church at large. So people come to me and expect me to know things and to make decisions about stuff that is not high on my fun-o-meter (or even my care-o-meter). Getting pulled in directions other than where I think I need to go in my primary job (youth ministry) gets old. Yet I feel like I can't just say, "Not my job." Ergh...

Anyway, one deep thing that I am pondering afresh is the perilous line that 'postmodern' Christianity walks dividing addressing a culture all about ourselves and proclaiming (and living) a gospel that is all about Christ. It's really easy to dip from one into the other and then come back again, which gives real credibility to the alarms thrown out by some groups that 'relevance will lead to compromise of the Gospel.' How hard to portray a faith of selflessness to a generation that is selfabsorbed!

K.J. out.